Good Enough

One of the challenges of being a parent is trying to make your children understand that doing their best at something should be imperative.  My daughter is of that mindset there should be a "good enough" award.  If she is doing the dishes you will always find food still stuck on things and when you point it out to her you will hear the "why are you being so picky" or "its good enough" type comments.  It can be frustrating and hard to make her understand that no one really wants to eat off of barely clean plates. That is where I decided to use her own logic against her.  Sometimes if you can not make them see your way I believe we have to attempt to show them.

After asking five separate times for the small hand full of dishes to be washed, without food stuck on them, I threw in the towel and did that one things I am sure she wanted me to do the entire time, I finished them myself.  I know that was not the way to handle it but it did get my wheels turning an idea formed in my brain.  Lunch time rolled around and I pulled out last night's rather yummy left overs and made me a plate.  The smell of course inspired my beautiful daughter out of her room with a desire to have lunch.  As she looked all excited to think she was getting a plate of her own I pointed out the peanut butter and jelly, and the bread and told her to get on it.  When she asked why she couldn't have any I explained to her that "a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is food ... therefore it is GOOD ENOUGH for lunch".  Oh granted it is the minimum standard that she was hoping for but you know it will curb your hunger.  She grumbled a bit but got over it quickly.  After lunch she asked for a popsicle I pointed at the ice dispenser and told her to chew on some ice because well ... you guessed it IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH.  Believe it or not she threw her arms up in the air and said she got it, the dishes should be done right not just good enough.

I am kinda disappointed I thought it would take a bit longer for her to come to that conclusion that there is a difference between good enough and done right.  Gosh I guess that means no Ramon noodles for her for supper while we feast on steak and potatoes.  I had so many plans ... there was the giving her laundry back still wet, making her sit just out of eyesight from the TV so she could hear but not see, oh and the half braiding her hair, or painting half her nails.  I know I have issues but at least this was a quick lesson.

Hmmm no I think I should figure out how to drive my sons crazy.  A parents work is never done.....

Despicable ...

I have shared that I am somewhat of a news junkie.  I often read stories from multiple sites (note I do mean gossip such as what in the world the latest so called celebrity is doing but actual stories about real situations and people).

Many of these stories illicit a response from me and I could honestly write a blog a day regarding my reaction and or opinion of what I have read and sometimes an opinion on the way it was written.  Today I read a story I just could not get out of my head. Let me share the link with you first.

logs/abc-blogs/couple-sues-over-down-syndrome-misdiagnosis-194143407--abc-news.html

I encourage you to not only read the article but to read some of the posted comments.  For those of you that do not have the patience to read the article let me give you a quick summary.  A couple in Oregon are suing the health facility, that according to them, missed their now 4 year olds Down Syndrome in prenatal testing.  There is no way from the article to know what kind of testing that was performed only that they had some testing.   The medical probabilities, percentages, and missed diagnoses is of no concern to me. What is would be that this couple is suing for 7 million dollars because they feel like they now have to raise a child that they would not of if they had known that she would have the disorder.  Seriously?? What is wrong with us that as a society we would even permit this couple to have such a blessing.  The comments range from support for the couple thinking that they should of had the right for an abortion (which in my book is NEVER the answer) Yes you can jump on me and talk about all kind of reasons it may be okay but who are we to say a child with Down's Syndrome is flawed and should not live.

I belong to that club of women where pregnancy did not come easily.  I struggled for that moment I could see the pink plus sign and I struggled to stay pregnant once and when it did happen.  I have lost more than one baby and mourned their loss deeply.  I can tell you that I would of felt blessed regardless of the medical condition, or what everyone else thought was their quality of live. I know other women who are still trying and that would have gladly taken on the "burden" of raising this couples daughter without even blinking an eye, in fact I would still gladly raise her and love her.   I love children .. all of them no matter the burden or the issues.  I realize that it can be taxing, difficult, and can wear you out ... that is where a strong relationship with God helps, a strong network to rely, and did I mention faith??

The idea that we expect that blessing of birth and becoming parents to be easy and without surprises shows me that we are relying to heavily on medical test.  When you decide to become parents and your avenue to become a parent is pregnancy then I hate to break it to some people there are no guarantees.  Should we also promise them that not only will the child be "normal" but that they will have blond hair, blue eyes, have a certain level of I.Q., oh and of course give them any sex that they want.  Why stop there let us check to see if they may be swayed by drugs and alcohol, promise they won't ever die in an accident, break our hearts, talk back, or ever end up in jail.  The entire premise of their lawsuit is ridiculous.  We are talking about the results of a medical test not a drunk surgeon who took of the wrong leg in a surgery gone wrong. If they wanted those kind of guarantees they should stick to playing some pointless SIMS game where they get to design the people.

In my opinion these kind of people who are obviously trying to capitalize off their daughter should not breed.  Yep I went there.

Okay climbing back off the soap box ...

Take care and God Bless

No such thing as perfect ...

Truthfully it is incredibly easy to hop on line and write pretty fluffy words that are all positive and leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling but honestly I do not think life is that way.  There are days that I feel great, silly, and goofy but I also have those days I feel like a am so exhausted I want to stay in bed (might be the fibromyalgia speaking there) and that my mind second guesses everything.  That might be the side effect of bad choices I have made in my life in the form of bad relationships.  I know I am not the only person in the world that has dated ex's that tore down our self esteem so low that we question everything about who we are.  For me I have the ex that let me know I was ugly without my makeup and that I was worthless.  I hate the fact that now twenty years later I can still hear and feel the sting of his words banging around inside my head.  I am intelligent enough to know that I should not give the creep any power over me but I can not help it.  So on a weekend even when I know I am not going to be leaving the house I put on my makeup.  Not to impress anyone other than my husband but I am constantly worried he might look at me and think "yikes".  I wish I could shake that habit.  My husband tries to tell me he finds me attractive without the make-up and that he even prefers seeing me but I look in that mirror and all I see is the circles under the eyes, the age spots on the cheeks, caused from working outside too many hours, and every other flaw (of course some days all I see is the flaws).  The real question is why in the world do I let an alcoholic idiot influence me after all these years? 

If that is not bad enough, he had a habit of calling phone sex ladies (a bit before Internet obviously) another issue I have with feeling good enough or sexy. Not to mention that I have a separate ex who was all about the Internet porn.  Now I am not trying to start a debate regarding that issue I know some ladies have no issues with it but I do.  I want to be the one my man thinks about not some perfect version of a woman that I have no hope to live up to.  Both these men spent a great deal of cash on their habits, some of which was my money.  The icing on the cake was how they never wanted to have sex with me.  How is that for an ego boost? They both broke me in ways that is hard to put into words.

It is funny that I know that they both were the ones that had issues and addictions (I admit that I was suffering from the "caregiver" syndrome .. picking men that needed taking care of) yet their words and actions have invaded my brain for years.  I have amazing trust issues that I struggle with because I have that proven track record of believe the most outlandish of lies.  This all invades my current marriage and I am working at letting go of. 

I do feel sorry for my husband because he has this insecure wife who freaks out when I do not know what is going on (okay freaks out might be too strong of a word but I do ask him a million questions).  We are an interesting couple actually.  Every girlfriend/wife he ever had cheated on him and lied to him on a regular basis and well my complicated past includes an alcoholic, a manic depressed, porn addicts, and artful liars.  I am trying to learn to give my evil voice an outward voice, not to scare the heck out of him but in the hopes that he can start to understand how my mind sometimes over analyzes the dumbest things.  I can not say that it will help or hurt but at the age of 40 it seems like I need to start facing and battling these "demons" in my head a little harder because I am tired of the people that have hurt me having so much control over my life now.

signing out ...

The age of denial

I think that most of us have at least one friend who is complete denial of their age.  I am not talking about those who are trying their best to keep the evidence of time away through healthy eating, exercise, and an active mind.  I am talking about those people who refuse to shop outside of the junior section and are still "partying" like they are 21 and just discovered they can go to a bar. I am 40 dang it and well I am okay with that.  Yet I have the friend who seems to think that wearing those cute sayings stretched across her 40 something boobs in a size or two too small, is somehow cute and attractive.  I don't want to just pick on women in denial, men can be just as guilty.  There is the guy who can not seem to get over the fact that he has been out of high school for over a decade and still thinks that cruising up and down the strip giving rides to teenagers in his "jacked" up ride (okay I confess I have no clue what "jacked" up actually means but I am assuming he is referring to the redneck tires that takes his truck to an unreasonably high altitude which seems to be something he is proud of). 

Each time I find my self sitting in the school auditorium for one of the kids programs I think that the entertainment is often in the audience.  Do not get me wrong I think it takes all kind of people to make the word an interesting place but seriously folks going to your kids Christmas program is not necessarily the place you want to show up in a mini skirt and 5 inch heels (even when you are hoping to make and ex jealous).  I have gone there only to have the guy two rows away reek so bad of booze that you felt you were at a bar.  I am not saying you have to show up in a your great Aunt Betty's Christmas sweater but wow you do not have to dress or act like you are 15 either. The audence is often a an amusing mix of PTA moms, grandparents, working parents, and the occasional mom or dad in denial .. it is this crowd that makes you want to whip out the popcorn and watch the "extra" show (like watching a train wreck actaully - a disaster but you can not help but watch to see what happens). 

Looking great for you age is not about dressing like you are still a teenager simply because you can fit (or in some cases stuff yourself) into that size, it has more to do about dressing classy.  Think of famous women that you honestly admire is it one of Hugh Hefner's playboy bunnies or is it Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn or women who have demonstrated class through their actions like Sandra Bullock.  The older I get the less I want a man to look at me and think "wow HOT" and the more I want them to think "wow beautiful".  Yes there is a difference.  Beautiful is more than just style, has little to do with size, but has a great deal to do with confidence, dress, poise, and yikes dare I mention it? Intelligence.  If you dress with your boobs hanging out or in clothes that scream... DENIAL.. you are not exactly demonstrating that there is more to you.  If you want a man to look at you and see the beauty of WHO you are and not simply a body then act that way.

Who knows maybe I will share how living that way caught the eye of my husband .. you know my younger good looking husband ....did I mention much younger husband?

The dumbing of America ....

I am not sure which is worse, the fact that common sense is no longer that common or the fact that we are raising an entire generation of individuals obsessed with so called gossip packaged as news.  Regardless of the news channel or Internet news site buried in the headlines are "news stories" about who broke up with whom, who wore what, who is pregnant, who is fat, who is too thin, and of course all of these stories are teaching our youth to be more concerned with how they look or who they know. When did it become all that important to know what star is sleeping with whom?  We wonder why our youth feel pressured into sex and relationships?  That is an absolute no brainier ... we teach them through the shows we have on our television set to the so called news we watch and read.  Our television sets seem to show case two main themes to our children .. sex and violence.  Our sitcoms seem to think the only think that is funny is comments with sexual underlying messages and painting people to be stupid .. classic sitcom has the father being clueless and the mother being some kind of controlling ogre.  I for one grew weary of the way that television was teaching my kids that this behavior was okay and actually cancelled cable.  Seriously why should I pay over sixty dollars a month for so called entertainment when the people and the story lines in no reflected the values I wanted my children to learn.  Really think about it .. shows have the stars obviously having relations with people they just meet  (think Two and Half Men for instance) and by the next week will be in bed with someone new.  Really?? Are we trying to teach our children to just have sex with whoever that this is normal.  In my day we had a name for people who slept with a great deal of men or women .. and it was NOT a nice name. The beloved show Friends managed to have it's cast members have 85 sexual partners (though in truth that number only reflects the number of shown encounters, the actually number is higher if you consider the ones that were discussed) throughout the 236 episodes with many of those encounters being one night stands.  What a great thing to pass on to our youth .. sleep around until you find something you want to stick with. The truth of the matter is we are dumbing down our kids, erasing the moral teachings, and showing them that we do not care about the real issues. 

Our media is very short sited and is slowly lower our intelligence in 30 minute increments.  Having entertainment in our lives is not necessarily a bad thing but when the quality of it is so incredibly low I have to wonder .. are we so mentally slow that we can not process anything except sex, violence, and bad puns?  Now days people tune into the so called reality shows to catch glimpses of other peoples lives instead of living their own.  They delight in the cat fights and the drunkard scenes of someones else's live derailing to somehow feel better about their own. 

Social media has not helped the situation as now people spend hours glued to point and click games on Facebook to avoid actually moving from their computer screen.  This may shock some of you but this is not helping the obesity issue or the dropping IQ of our children.  We are supposed to be the greatest nation on earth.  Yet in other countries they are teaching their children a foreign language from the beginning of their school career. Why we throw it at ours as an option in high school.  We are sliding further behind on our own we do not need anyone to come take over but before I jump into a tangent concerning the public schools I will sign off for now and address that issue next time.

Thanksgiving Holiday

Truthfully there are many holidays but personally Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite.  Believe it or not it is not just because of all the amazing food.  I love spending hours looking for at least one new recipe to spring on the family.  Usually it turns out the simplest ones (or is that the ones with chocolate??) are often the favorite ones.

For instance if you are looking for a really really quick recipe that is gone in seconds buy Oreo cookies ... put about 30 in a food processor crush up then add one package of cream cheese ... dip in melted chocolate and let cool .. yep that is it.  I know it sounds to simple to be good but trust me they are simple and incredibly yummy.  Now don't be afraid to experiment, go ahead experiment with the flavored cream cheese or the flavored Oreo cookies.  There is really not a way to mess these up.

Now back to why I love Thanksgiving,  I love disappearing into the kitchen and making this huge meal (yes I used the word huge) and sitting down as a family, bowing our heads, and giving thanks to the Lord for making it all possible.  It is a holiday that the biggest thing someone might ask for is for deviled eggs or pumpkin pie.  No one is sitting there wanting a present or wanting candy, they actually only want to sit down as a family and eat way too much food.  I love that about Thanksgiving that the only pressure on me is 'will the turkey is juicy' (trust me use a brine and this will never ever be a problem).

Some people think Thanksgiving is some sort of homage to the Indians and the Pilgrims and a supper or cooperation that they shared.  Not to me ... I take the THANKS part of that to remember to be thankful for the blessing that we have.  All of them great and small.  The GIVING part is to remember that it is better to give than to receive.  This is a the time of the year to concentrate on what all we have been given and trust me if you think about it can there be any greater gift than our salvation.  Keep that in mind this Thursday.  Bow your heads and say grace from your heart and hold onto your family, your friends, and all those you hold dear.

hmm now what fun thing should I do with sweet potatoes or maybe I should look for a new biscuit recipe, so many recipes so little time.  What is your favorite dish?

If life were like a movie ... the lies we could avoid

Every good movie (obviously not counting the old picture movies without sound) has a sound track that helps the audience "prepare" for the scene.  Scary movies like to speed up and slow down during the suspense and the famous chase scene.  Can anyone truly forget the the sound track to jaws?  The romantic movies like to give us the perfect love song so we know that the main character has found their soul mate and the good drama or thriller loves to give us a hint, through the magic of tempo, that something worth noting is about to happen.  Where am I going with all this?  Good question my brain can come up with some strange ideas.

 I have lived long enough that I have been lied to, miss treated, and had a few bad relationships.  I have also witnessed quite a few friends and family members who just so happened to be unfortunate enough to fall for their fair share of deceit and end up (at least temporarily) with that one person who brings out the worst in them.  If you have managed to live to the age of even 20 you know exactly what I am talking about.  Truthfully I wonder if somehow all of the heartache could of been avoided if only there was background music floating around that would cue us in on if we were getting ready to embark on  a thriller horror filled time if we did not run in the opposite direction of Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.  The scary thing is that I hate to say it but (insert sigh)  I am ashamed at some of women I have known and just exactly how manipulative and borderline crazy they were and most likely still are.  I know we do not want to admit it but I would be lying if I said I was not worried about the way women can be.

I have two sons that I feel I need to prepare for the lies that they may someday face .. especially since I have been unsuccessful at finding a way to add background music to the picture of their life.  First, so I can bring you up to speed at what triggered this rather long rant, let me share a link with you.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

Now that you read that lovely little story.  Let me tell you that I have seen this in women much younger than late 30's or early 40's.  Sad but true.  I have heard some really wild stories in my life .. I worked in an OBGYN office so I was amazed at the stories of conception. (Even more amazed at how freely and sometimes proudly women shared them).  Let me make a quick list of some really good whoppers ...

1. She said she couldn't get pregnant because she was on the pill ... shot... or any one of the normally 99.9 % methods of birth control methods.  Guys really??? if you are not there or watching the pill or the shot being administered assume this is a lie or a trap.


2. I can't get pregnant ....  Okay another classic line... unless you see the surgical scars and the surgical report showing that the uterus is gone ... assume that this is probably not the complete truth.


3. You can only get pregnant on day 14 of your cycle .. it's okay you don't have to wear a condemn.  Try not to laugh I have really heard that one.


4. I am infertile.  I love this one because here is a news flash guys .. most physicians do NOT even think of doing infertility testing unless someone has been actively trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for at least a year ... um so who has she been trying with??


5. I am allergic to condemns.  Okay they maybe but great news if it is a latex allergy they make them from non latex as well .. so show her you care and are listening and pay the extra.  If they STILL don't want to .. um then you may be slapped with a paternity suit in the next year.  


6. She has her own condoms.  Why is this one a flag .. yep guys the famous pin hole in the condom trick is real.  Sad but true.  


7.  The article was not lying, there is the seduce him trick and try to make him a bumbling fool. Yes you can wake a man up and umm get to work before they are fully awake.  I know sounds nuts but I have heard it before.  


8.  I am on my period and it is impossible to get pregnant.  Again guys .. really?? Do not fall for this.  Every time you do the deed assume a baby might be what is really coming.


9.  Oh and trust me you will love this one.  I am already pregnant.  I know you are wondering who in the world would want to at that point.  Well turns out that the brain and the penis are not always on the same page.


10.  If you trusted me .. or maybe it might be the .. if you loved me.. or maybe it will be the I just wanted to feel you inside me for a minute then you can put it on .... Ahhh the point is that unless you are married and want a baby then I would recommend just NOT doing anything that has a chance to make a baby.  


Now to be fair I know a few men who have tried to avoid the wearing of the condom with their own stupid lies.  My favorite .... wait for it because it is hilarious.  "I had a high fever when I was a kid and it left me sterile.  Okay ladies let me tell you this... again unless you actually see the lab report demonstrating that he has NO swimmers .... just assume this is a manipulation and well a lie.

Since there is no background orchestra playing the perfect combination of music to help cue people out when they are getting ready to embark on a horror story in their own lives.  Trust me a few heartbreaks, court cases, and paternity suits could of been avoided if only we had the same warning (think Fatal Attraction meets Freddy Kruger) system that great directors have been able to weave into their story lines.

Now if you have read this and got the least bit angry you either were the victim of one of the above lies or you used one .. just saying you may want to think about it.  On the other hand if you read it and thought yep I know someone who fell for one of those you may want to try to warn your friends, children, sibling and any others you care about.

Climbing back off the pedestal for now.